after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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