Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize