I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
