If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
