i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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