Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
