Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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