fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
