Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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