worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
