I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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