I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
