i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
