She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize