So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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