i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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