You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
