My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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