why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
