I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
