those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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