How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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