I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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