okay pat passed out under dana's car
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
