This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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