This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
