It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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