We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
