my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
