OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
