I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
