her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize