i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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