my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just googled if crying burns calories
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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