a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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