if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
