Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
