For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize