I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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