Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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