Are we in a gay sports bar?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
