God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
