iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
