...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
