Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
