I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
