The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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