I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
