I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You are a genius and a whore.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
