Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
