I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
