I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
