So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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