I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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