i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize