Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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