People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
