You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
