Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
