I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
