i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
