i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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