I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
