how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ketchup is God's man juice
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
