Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize