Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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