erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
