just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
