first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize