hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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