i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
