He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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