I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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