I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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