Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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