Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
