It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
