There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
