So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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