I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
