Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
