and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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