I wish you could order shots online.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
