I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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