Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
