I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
