im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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