I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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