I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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