i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
