The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
