Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
