I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
