He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
