My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
