Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
