My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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