how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
