I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I need water and some morals
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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