Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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