is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
