I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
