My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
