dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize