hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
