He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
